Impressions
by beware-of-weeping-angels
Summary: I watched as this fear brought the strongest person I knew to their knees, too weak to try and get up again. To try again. That’s when I first felt fear. Harry's fear is consuming him, he's startig to drift; they don' know if he'll come back this time.


10, 12, 7, 11

I promised I wouldn't be afraid, that I would stand strong for him. I _promised_. And I fully, completely intended to keep that promise. But now, I'm not sure I can.

"Don't be afraid," he whispered softly to me.

Never before have I had something to fear. Now, it's different.

She had always been strong enough to simply _not_ _feel_ fear. But now, faced with losing him, she was as close to breaking as she had ever been.

**Written for sick-atxxheart's the Fear Challenge**

**Disclaimer: There is a reason this is called fanfiction.**

**I included some of the lyrics from The Second Day by Kendall Payne.**

I have always been strong. I've always known my weakness, and my strengths, but not fear. I had always been strong enough to simply not feel fear. But now it's different, I'm faced with losing him. I've never been this close, this close to breaking, never felt this fear of losing someone, of losing him.

I watch him, as he sinks deeper and deeper into his pit of despair, knowing that I can't help him. That I could lose him because I don't understand, because I can't find a way to show him that he's strong enough, that he's better, faster, smarter. So I watch as he sinks.

Never before have I felt this way, not only the fear, but of being week, but of being helpless. Never before had I have something to fear, something to lose, but it's different now, because if I lose him, we'll all go down with him.

Every single last one of us.

And strangely, that doesn't bother me, not as much as the fact that I'll be losing him.

I remember, the night he first came to me, the night his fears had started to take control. We had become friends, at the start of the year, calling a truce, and pretty soon, he was telling me the things he couldn't tell the others, even his friends. I was the one he came to, and I listened, to everything he had to say, never turning him down, telling him that it wasn't important, because I couldn't lie to him, and that's what I would have been doing had I said those things.

But the night he came to me, jumping at everything that moved…..his fears had started to take over.

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_The soft knocking on the doorway, stilled everyone in the common room, tensing. I glance over at Blaise, nodding my head towards the door, and he opens it, without a second though, knowing that I'm the leader, the boss, but also his friend. He swings the portrait open, shocking everyone when we see the small and trembling body of Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World._

_He looks up, causing everyone to gasp at his red and puffy eyes, his body shaking, "I-I-Is Dr-Draco here?"_

_I stand, rushing over to the small huddled form, "I'm here, Harry," gathering his small form into my arms. I pull him into the common room, my dorm mates scattering across the room as I lead Harry to the couch._

_"What's the matter, Harry?"_

_He shakes; his small body huddled against mine, his eyes scrunched together tightly, but tears still escape his eyes, his red puffy eyes that tremble with unshed tears. He looks up at me, opening eyes filled with so much pain that I almost gasp, and whispers, "What if I can't do it,"  
I don't ask to what, because I know, I know what he means as does every person in the common room, "What if I'm not strong enough? What happens when I can't defeat him?"_

_Hearts melt across the common room, listening to the pain in his voice, the death and sadness in his eyes. Pansy moved from her spot on the floor, sitting behind Harry, wrapping comforting arms around him. Harry tenses, but Pansy doesn't mind, she knows what it's like to be afraid, but I don't. I don't understand his fear, but I know I can help him get over it. It'll take effort on both of our parts, but we'll see it through._

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A couple of minutes later, Blaise joined us, as did Theo, and together, we wrapped Harry into the protective embrace of our arms. We stayed here, all night, the five us, comforting each other, making sure that Harry understood that nothing bad would happen to him when he was in our arms.

It started that night, when Harry's fears became too much, he'd find one of us, he always felt better when it was all of us, and we'd just hold him. Showing him that all hope was not lost, that it would never be lost.

I wasn't worried then, I didn't think it would be like this. I watched as this fear brought the strongest person I knew to their knees, too weak to try and get up again. To try again.

That's when I first felt fear. Fear that Harry's fear would consume him, tear him into little pieces and burn him. I wasn't the only one who was worried about him.

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_The portrait swings open, revealing Harry. He's scared, and it shows, in this one place he never has to pretend. We all share a sigh of relief when we know that this isn't one of the night terror type nights, that all he needs tonight is to know that someone cares, that someone believes he can do it, that he's strong enough. He sees me, rushing over, joining me as I make my way to my room. We walk to my room in silence, both comfortable just knowing that the other is there._

_He lies down on my bed, and stares at the ceiling as I change, spread out eagle, stretching his wings, being himself._

_When I return from the bathroom, a private bathroom, the perks of being Head Boy, he's still spread out eagle, but his eyes are closed, his breathing even, and his face peaceful. I smile._

_I transform his clothing into sleepwear, moving him underneath the covers as I join him._

_I know he won't mind, in fact, he'll love it, to wake up in my arms, or any arms for that matter, feeling loved and safe. Realizing that not everyone wants something from him; to wake up knowing that he is loved is one of the highest happiness for Harry, knowing that he can come to the Slytherin common room to see us is another, to just be Harry once and a while._

_I pull him close, drifting off to sleep soon afterwards._

_I startle away, Harry's jerking in my arms, his face no longer peaceful, nor his breathing even. I pull him closer, "Harry,"_

_Nothing, "Harry," I shake him gently, knowing not to scare him during one of these dreams. The ones where he's not strong enough, the one where everyone is there, mocking him, his parents, Cedric, Sirus, everyone who's died. I pull him close, his eyes wide and panicked._

_"Don't be afraid," I whisper softly to him, trying to calm the panicked boy, I try to pull him closer, but he flinches away, "Don't," he hisses, "Don't come near me,"_

_His voice is low and pained, "Harry, he won't hurt me remember?" He's trying to push me away, trying to save _me. He doesn't want me to be another person who dies because he doesn't know how to defeat _Voldemort._

_Ask him and he'll say that he killed them._

_I fear for him._

_His fear and guilt adding up every day, his need to protect, and save overriding all else; he doesn't want control, he just wants to be able to fall apart and not have the world that ridding on his shoulders fall with him, to have an unguarded moment to be himself without fear. Even if only for a second._

_We help, but we can't help…..he won't let us….._

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My fears, as have everyone else's have come to light, Harry's barely even here anymore, he's only here for one purpose anymore, to defeat Voldemort, to get rid of the evil man who's destroyed his life. Once he's done it, I don't know how we'll keep him here anymore. He's told us….that his only purpose is to defeat Voldemort….Harry wants to defeat him, but only so he can drift away afterwards. And he's close, he so close to falling apart, I can see the seams unraveling, falling apart, but I don't know how to stop it, and I know that I can't fix it with a thread and needle, not this time.

I need to give him a reason to stay, to live, but I don't know if I can find one, find one that will make him want to stay, to go on, to live a live worthy of himself. He needs his friends, but they hardly even notice him anymore, no longer concerned with where he disappears too, no longer asking if he's okay, not noticing when his eyes are red and puffy, when he's scared. He needs to know he's not alone.

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_I had been searching for hours, trying to find Harry. It had gotten dark a couple of hours ago, and it was almost curfew….I was worried. I found him underneath a tree by the Lake, huddled close together for warmth, a light cloak over his arms. He was staring out over the Lake, his eyes watching something only he could see._

_"What's out there, Harry?" My voice is low, almost a whisper._

_He doesn't look at me, and in a flat voice responds, "Death,"_

_I clench my eyes shut, just for a moment, wanting my happy friend back, cursing Voldemort for turning the strongest man I know into the huddled form in front of me._

_"Don't say that, Harry,"_

_He turns to me, "Why? Why not Draco, its true isn't it?"_

_I don't respond and he turns back to the lake, once again staring at only something his eyes are allowed to see._

_I sit next to him, allowing the coldness to seep into my bones, but I sit still, watching just as he does._

_"I'm scared, Dray,"_

_I startle, I turn to look at him, he's still looking out at the lake, but he turns to face me, "I'm scared, Dray," he repeats._

_I reach out with a trembling, cold hand, "It's okay to be scared, Harry, just…..just don't forget you're not alone, yeah?"_

_My hand brushes away his hair, letting me look into his deep emerald eyes that used to be so full of warmth and life. Now all I see is death and pain._

_He nods his head, crumpling into my arms as I take him into my arms. He sobs into my chest, and I hold him, wishing the others were here with me, to help me comfort Harry._

_He lets out a chocked sob, "I used to be brave, Draco, not look at me, I can't stop crying…can't stop being afraid."_

_"Shh, Harry, you are brave, you're one of the bravest, strongest, smartest people I know, nothing can ever change that. And it's okay to be afraid, to cry, to feel….it's when you can't feel that you should be afraid, Harry."_

_He nods his head, and I just hold him. Hold him close. Not wanting to watch him slip away more and more each day._

_I promise myself, here on this beach holding Harry, that I will always be strong for him, no matter what, that I would never give up hope, not where it came to Harry._

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I remind myself of that promise, everyday, but now, I'm not so sure I can keep it up. Because he's almost at the bottom, and I don't know where he can go after that, but I do know it won't be up.

I watch as Harry walks into the common room, his eyes so filled with death that I can't stand it. Blaise stands, walking over to him, wrapping his strong, protective arms around Harry, and Harry just slumps into his arms; allowing himself to be comforted, to be taken care of.

He spends more time here than he does in his own common room, spends more time in one of our beds then his own bed, more time with us than he does with anyone else in the school. But no one notices. Blaise pulls Harry over to one of the overstuffed armchairs, pulling Harry down onto his lap. He picks up the book he had been reading, and continues to read, Harry stays there, resting his head against Blaise's chest, rubbing his hand up and down, his eyes closed, and his face peaceful.

I promised I wouldn't be afraid, that I would stand strong for him. I promised. And I fully, completely intended to keep that promise. But now, I'm not sure I can, as I watch him, he looks so young, his body small enough to be a third year instead of the seventh year like he is, and I'm ready to break. To break at the thought of Harry disappearing, to cease existing, all I want to do is find a corner, and cry. Cry for everything, everything that's been lost, that will be lose, but most of all for Harry, but I won't, I promised myself that I would be strong.

He jerks suddenly, his eyes suddenly wide, "He's here,"

He rushes out of the common room, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind about who's he talking to. Voldemort's finally here. And with him, I can't help but think, the end of Harry.

I rush after him, going into command mode, praying that when this is all said and done, we'll still have Harry.

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I was tired, scared, and desperate. Harry had disappeared. He defeated Voldemort, and then before anyone could get to him, he disappeared, vanished into thin air. I sunk to the ground, the world spinning around me, I should have made him promise, I should have made him promise not to leave us, because now I realize, we were as much as a comfort to him as he was to us. He showed us we had a choice, and in return we showed him he wasn't alone.

I should have made him promise.

Pansy rushes towards me when she sees me, helping me to the infirmary, I have cuts everywhere, and I'm bleeding from everywhere, but nothing hurts as much as the pain in my heart. I listen as one of the nurses brought in lists everything that's been damaged, but all I can think about is if Harry's okay, if he's drifted away yet, and I want to scream. I should have made him promise. I should have given him something to stay for.

I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting the pain, something's forced down my throat, and soon I'm drifting. Drifting on a cloud, high in the air, feeling free, and here, here I'll allow myself to break my promise.

I cry, I sob, and scream, I do everything that a Malfoy shouldn't do, I show my pain. I show my weaknesses, show my hurt. My fear had come true, I had lost Harry, but now, now I understand his pain and his fear. And I realize he truly is the strongest person I'll ever know.

A soft caress on my back makes me freeze. "Don't be afraid, Dray, please, I'm sorry,"

Harry. I look back, and see Harry. Our Harry. I sit up, throwing myself into his arms. My crying increases and he holds me, just like I've held him so many times before.

"You're my best friend, you know that right, Dray? You all are,"

I nod my head, not wanting to let go, and then I remember, "Promise me,"

He stiffens, "I don't think I can, Dray,"

"Promise me, please, Harry,"

"I can't Draco, I can't go back,"

"Please, we'll help you, we'll all get through this, please, Harry,"

"You don't understand, Draco,"

"Help me understand then!"

He sighs, and I hold him closer, "Do you remember, that night when you found me at the Lake?"

I nod my head, and he continues, "You told me that it was okay to be scared, but when I couldn't feel, that's when I should be scared?"

I nod my head again, he takes another deep, shaky breath, "I stopped feeling."

I gasp, looking up, "You never told us! We could have helped you!"

He shakes his head sadly, "No, I couldn't tell you guys, I couldn't stand seeing another piece of light die in your guys eyes," he looks away, "there was nothing you could do, it was too late for me, Dray,"

He wipes away my tears softly, "I will promise you one thing, Draco, I'll always be with you, I'll always be here," he places a hand over my heart, and gestures again, "And here," gesturing to the place around us.

He kisses me softly on the forehead, "Now, go back to sleep, I'll be here when you next go to sleep, same with the others, I'll always be here for you guys," he kisses me softly again on the forehead, "Don't end up like me, Dray, remember, the only thing to fear is fear itself,"

My eyes drift close, and I feel peaceful……..

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_I watch as two boys sit side by side under a big oak tree next to the Lake, in the distance I can see Hogwarts. One has blond hair, and the other has black, complete opposites the two boys, but they act like brothers. Another boy joins them, his skin dark and milky, same as his hair. He sits down beside the black haired boy, they continue to sit in silence until another boy and girl come; the boy has his arm locked firmly around the girl, as the girl cries. She leans down to kiss the black haired boy in the middle before sitting down with the others._

_They sit, just sit, and watch as the sun disappears on the horizon, and one by one they disappear, until it's only the crying girl left. Then she fades away, leaving a bare shore that was once sat upon by five young people._

_I walk up to where they were, and I can see the impression they left behind….no…..not from sitting on the sand, but the impressions they left on each other's lives, on the lives of others….on the world._

**Review please, tell me what you think. I'm actually very happy with this ending, so please, tell me what you think!**

**Reviews are love!**


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